On Expat Guilt
You’ve arrived to the warmest possible welcome — a hot burst of air as you descend the airplane steps. As you bustle through immigration queue after queue, your suitcases journey around the baggage carousel, again, and again, and again.
An hour or two later, you’re through.
Now, with your bags in hand, you jump into a taxi and prepare to soak up your new surroundings.
You’re officially an expat.
Soon after arriving, you’re met with a flurry of critical tasks not to be taken lightly; deciding where to live, who to bank with, discovering the transport links, and either finding or starting your brand new job. Vats of intense calls to action await you, each of which seem to be loaded with momentum for the next. Regardless, you’re reveling in the newness.
Only, it’s somewhere around your second grocery shop that it hits you.
No, not a trolley.
Guilt.
And it hits you real bad.
It’s expat guilt, and it momentarily takes the spring out of your step and forces you to take a raw retrospective look back at what and who you’ve ‘left behind’ as you spread your wings and start anew. The first time you feel it, well, you really feel it. After that, when it pops up again, and believe me it will, it’s effect is a little gentler albeit powerful enough to evoke a sense of sadness.
As an expat myself, I feel you. I really do.
Whilst feelings of expat guilt are entirely valid, there are a few things we ought to remember to lessen their crippling nature. I’ll admit, I’m no wiser than the next guy, but here goes my take on the matter.
It’s your life.
To put it simply.
Whether you were seeking a career or scenery change, or a fresh start with no real explanation as to why, you made a thoughtful decision to move abroad and you deserve to thoroughly enjoy and embrace the journey. Your journey.
After all, if the past two years of a pandemic and intermittent lockdowns have taught us anything, it’s that life is far too short.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. If life’s so short then shouldn’t we be spending it with our friends and family back home? Because, well, who knows what could happen?
A-ha! That’s exactly it. Who knows what could happen? What’s to say that your lifelong best friend won’t move to the other side of the world when an opportunity to do so comes a-knocking? Or perhaps everyone will stay firmly put. Either way, their life, their choices.
Whilst it’s important to retain appreciation and love for our roots, our beloved communities back home, it’s equally important to remember that you, as is everyone else, are an individual. An individual who has every right to snap up the opportunities that speak to you.
At the risk of sounding inherently hedonistic, you deserve to bask in your independence and enjoy every minute of it. If you don’t put yourself first, you may well come to regret it and eventually find yourself dealing with feelings of resentment down the line.
Sure, the folk back home will miss you, and you them, but your decisions are yours and yours alone, untethered from anyone else’s. Spouse and kids aside, and vow dependent of course.
Plus, tough decisions build resilience, so there’s that.
The truth is, it’s likely that your expat guilt is irrationally exacerbated in your mind and in reality, your nearest and dearest are supportive of your decision to take up an exciting international adventure. If they don’t get it right away, they’ll surely come around. If they never do, it could be time to reevaluate your circle.
You may miss out on a few special events here and there, because let’s face it, flights are costly. But with the way that technology has evolved, you can pretty much guarantee you’ll remain in tune, and probably in constant dialogue, with your people. In fact, it can be awfully difficult to disconnect.
You get the point so I’ll leave it there.
The moral of this fable is to own your life.
